She's had some dark thoughts!
The Teen Mom cast has changed so much in recent years that sometimes it’s hard to believe that they were ever teenage moms. Luckily, they’ve been on air since the time they were 16 years old, so it’s not hard to stroll down memory lane and remember just what they were like when they were still kids. Now that they’re more mature (and more wealthy), the girls have a lot more stability in their lives, but what they went through in their childhood still shapes who they are. Seeing the cast members so adult and (relatively) well adjusted, it’s easy to forget that they ever had seriously hard times in their lives.
Right now, Jenelle seems to be living a picture perfect life from the outside. She’s recently married David Eason, and together, they’re raising a blended family of six. Jenelle has even recently launched her own makeup line, and things seem to be going up for her. That’s why this insight into her upbringing is so upsetting to fans.
Jenelle revealed an inner look at what growing up was like for her, and there are some very upsetting moments in her past. Now, she’s opened up about her past of struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Growing up is tough for everyone, but Jenelle had a uniquely difficult time. Her father was out of the picture, and her pregnancy at a young age forced her to grow up overnight.
It’s no secret that Jenelle and her mother Barbara are at odds right now, but Jenelle’s memoir, Read Between the Lines: From the Diary of a Teenage Mom reveals that her relationship with her mother has been complicated from the very start. In fact, Jenelle recalls a time that was so bad that she felt suicidal at the young age of 13.
In this particular excerpt, Jenelle revealed that she and Barbara had a fight, and that she was grounded for months as a result. It seemed that her constant fighting with her mother convinced her that Barbara didn’t love her at all.
“A LOT happened this summa like… got in trouble w/ a 18 year old. And now my mom doesn’t love me anymore, she wishes I drop-dead!” 13-year-old Jenelle penned. “And that hurts me soooo etc. much and now I have no one to love me.”
She writes that it seems her mother “thinks of [her] as a non-proud, non-caring, non-loveing, person and that she wants to send me away and never see me again.” She recalls Barbara calling her a “little whore” and adds, “I WANT TO BE SENT AWAY! Far from ANY of my family. And I mean that.”
It’s clear that Jenelle felt extremely alone through these times. “I want to tell my mom that I’m sorry for being born. Becuz I know I was just another accident,” she wrote. She recalls wanting to tell her mother, “I’m sorry for all these fights I have caused our family. Soo I’m also sorry for ever being born.”
Her relationship with her mother was clearly a huge source of distress for her as a child. She wrote,
“You have no f**king clue… NO clue how it feels NOT to be loved at all! For your mom to hate you and a dad that left you. You DON’T KNOW! I’m so sick of crying at night and to be not kissed or even hugged at night. And to be told to go live with my dad if I hate her sooo much.”
Jenelle writes in her diary that she actually has a lot of love for her mother. “But I don’t [hate her], I love her,” she writes. “She’s the best mom I can have. But she treats me like I’m not alive. And doesn’t trust me with anything… I do. But then she won’t let me kill myself. Cuz she’ll go to jail or something.”
She concludes, “I’ll put my pain in words. And cry every night wishing I was loved… Sincerely, Jenelle Evans.”
Even fans who aren’t crazy about Jenelle were heartbroken to read the words of a hurting child.
“Barbara is a huge reason that Jenelle is the way she is. No kid should hear that kind of shit. It’s emotional abuse. Period,” wrote Reddit user TartofDarkness.
User charcuterie_bored wrote, “This diary entry makes my heart hurt for Jenelle. So many of the words she’s written here are similar to things we’ve heard her say on the show. She wants so desperately to be loved.”
User RuthBC pointed out the fact that Barbara showed no sympathy for Jenelle when she was caught with an 18-year-old. “So when that pervert who married Chelsea’s friend was trying to sleep with a 14 year old then everyone thought it was so disgusting that there must be something wrong with Chelsea for just being friends with his wife, but when an adult is putting the moves on 13 year old Jenelle then that’s her own fault and she deserves to be grounded and called a whore by her own mother? Ok then,” they wrote (referring to Chelsea’s friend who was just arrested for trying to arrange a sexual encounter with a 14-year-old girl).
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